nothing much today. same old stuff that i don't want to repeat when a lot of people's blog have the information too. was "baked" in the hall at lunch and afterschool because of our dear orchestra. so much to do in the weekends.
talked about how what's anger and how to deal with it. honestly, this topic isn't much use to me, since i'll still suppress and express it the same way. sorry about that. it's just... easier said than done, although i know i will try, i may not succeed. BLUE. Sometimes i do feel a little blue. what's the reason? i don't know (see? it's the same old phrase). I just get so irritated at myself and ... hate myself sometimes. people tell me not to, but again, it's easier said than done. you could say i'm searching for my identity too. especially under the totalichelseaism. i get really really lost.

Living in my family is just way to hard. Sometimes my parents are just so unbelivable. Like today we went to have dinner. I changed my set meal to potatoes, and my mum's fish remains unchanged with the salad. Somehow the waitress changed my mum's into potatoes as well, and she was not happy about it. She kept moaning and complaining and finally, put the blame on me. She blamed me on having changed the salad into potato. Gosh!! Was it my problem that the waitress got it wrong? She actually blamed me!! And I didn't do anything at all... She kept on scolding me and said my 14 years old year was the worst she experienced. DUh!! She was making a big deal out of everything and I really find it impossible to communicate with her sometimes. Everytime I have different opinions from her, she'll say "nei yi wai ngor hoi nei gar?" I mean, no I don't. But can't i have different opinions? SHe wants to control everything, and if I have a little bit of objection to it, she scold me really badly. Gosh....
And it's not easy to live with someone who says she hates you once she sees you. (Yes she actually said that last night)

poy said i looked blue today. was it that obvious? I don't know... discussed "going abroad" with grace k. today at fencing, and all those feelings i've tried to suppress all rushed up again. I don't know why I had to bring up the subject again... Just to torture myself? Well, I had to admit, I'd done a really stupid thing. SHows that fencing makes me stupid and not think straight.
I don't want time to pass so quickly,
I don't want form 3 to pass so quickly,
I don't want summer to come so quickly,
I don't want time to fly so quickly.
But most of all...
I don't want you to go so quickly...

Why did I have to talk about that? If I didn't, feelings would have been much more better. This is gonna be a short blog today. Limited online hours...

I just feel so tired these days. So many things to do, so many things to worry about. I guess you can say I'm a worry-wart, but I worry about this, worry about that. It seems non-stop. I remember the video "anger" we watched during RK lesson, and I was wondering, can we have a video on "worries" too? It seems that I really don't know how to handle worries, and that's a really big problem to me.

JMC during assembly was... I don't know how it sounded as I was up there, but to many people, we either were too loud (I don't know why they say that) or too soft but with one voice very loud (know who lar...). I think the second statement's closer to reality. Had a very short PTH lesson. Then continued to watch "looking for Alibrandi". most people were pretty unsatisfied with whom the guy Josie (the girl in the movie). laine's research shows that: "they've actually kissed 7 times!!!!" (laine, you actually counted it?) It was so sad, that part when John died and Josie thought she saw him again at the train station. Ai....optical illusions. Yet that part was sooo beautiful. The rest of the day was... ok. There was an unexplainable mystery though. While solving those equations in the graphical method, my brain was humming a song. Guess what that is? Good morning creation lor. I had no idea why I got that in my mind. Then I told Alta about it and said I was actually humming other people's song... which... losed also. And then after that, I was humming Three Russian Folk Songs. Non-stop. Don't know what's got into me these days.

Piano lessons were "duh". I was repeatedly scolded by the teacher and was accused of not practising. But it's not true. I did practise, and when I was practising, it was perfectly ok. Somehow when I got there, my fingers will get all jumbled up and out of control. What should I do ar...

Fluctuating emotions. I have to learn to control it. Otherwise, I'll make myself... annoyed and things, and it'll make other people annoyed. And also, the totalichealseaism is getting out of control (camel, if you're reading this....) I just don't know what to do. When camel was here, there was someone else to talk to about it, to worry about it, but now, it's I who handle it myself all alone. I'm starting to really feel how camel felt those days. I don't know what's happened. Has everyone changed? Or is it just me ?

I have made someone angry without knowing why. Well, I actually do know, but i don't seem to think it's reasonable. I refused to tell him who was in my group, because of personal reasons that I don't wanna say here, and he seemed to be mad me for that. I was only trying to keep the good impressions of those people and didn't want people to say i was complaining because i have some "kau sarn". Is that wrong? I just wanted to say that... sorry if you feel i'm keeping something from you, but you don't have to tell me everything in your life, do you? I mean, not that you've tried to. But, if you choose to ignore me because of this, fine. Be my guest. I'll stand up to my believes.

I realized that last night was the first time that I skipped a day of blog. Came back home at 11 sth pm and was dead tired. Went to my dad's secondary school's anniversary dinner and was frequently asked 3 questions:-
1) Which school do you go to? (DGS)
2) Which grade are you in? (Form 3)
3) How old are you? (14)

I mean, that's basically all they ask, and then after all these questions, I continue being bored. I've been thinking, I wonder what we'll all be like 30 years from our graduation, what jobs will we all be having, what kind of lives will we be having, etc. I wonder if we can still keep in touch, or still be very good friends. But I guess, all these aren't impossible, it's a matter of whether anyone will want to keep us all together again. And I've been thinking (guys, don't inch me on this one), which other school's anniversary dinner will I be able to attend in the future....

Today. The usual Mondays. Had a very musical music lesson. Then maths, geog., computer. Choir rehersal at lunch, Chinese, double chem (crude oil). THen mix rehersal after school. Then back home. Practised some songs for the music festival (arghhh. it's getting ever so near). And found out that some of the events clashed. Thanks Irene (Irena!!!) for the information!!!

I just remembered someone telling me, he didn't know what to say, what topic there was so he didn't like to call me. I'm not trying to complain or anything, but if you ever see this (eh... people... don't tell that person on purpose), I just want you to know that it really doesn't matter whether you have a topic or not. I'm not saying that it's a must you have to call me every day, but I really wouldn't mind hearing your voice once in a while. It's not important whether there is something "important" to say, I mean, a lot of my other conversations are just.... conversations. I just want to know that you do care, and that, even once in a while, I'm on your mind.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, then... forget it. I'm not trying to pressure anything, just wanted to say out my feelings.