i was supposed to meet jess. and grace at 8:45 , but i woke up at that time and rushed out the door at the fastest time in history. i was only half an hour late. phew. but i'm not going to try it ever again. way too exciting. then after fencing, went with grace to meet jen at mong kok where jen was late...and we had to wait... then someone suddenly burst out and scared me. then... had a very expensive lunch and jen,,.... you still owe me $66!!!! then luckily met yue and had a ride.... thanks!!.. had mix rehersal.. we met the headmaster and had a very interesting conversation like this:
him," nei dei seung lei lin choir ar?"
us."eh..... (silence)
him,"mei dou nei dei ar?",
us, " hai ar hai ar"....
so funny, like none of the three of us dared to say anything and we were so shocked to see him suddenly appear in front of us... haaa....
towards the end, someone found a pink plastic braclet lor... and zi suggested that it was hys people who left it there... haha.. so funny. then had to drive poy home.. when my mum asked her where shall we drop her off, i said, "yup mai hui lar." poy was giving me a very very evil grin.... and i plan on taking revenge on her.. since she sits right in front of me....
jen, sorry, i had no idea i was being distant tonight. i was having something on my mind, but i couldn't really explain what it was. i'm always like that, know there is something wrong, but do not know what it really is. you guys might say i'm too obsessed with... whatever lar, but i keeping having questions about it all the time. although i do not know why, i think one of the main reasons is being insecure. i know this sounds like not trusting him, but... it's hard not to have that thought. and the thought that this might not last for more than half a year more is very depressing. i know i may sound pessimistic, but it is the truth. when you have that thought in your mind, it feels really uncomfortable. like you actually know it will end but still you are continuing. i feel so down sometimes that i just want someone to hear me talk. and i mean "talk". the person who listens isn't really THE one i was hoping for. i was told once that i was too devoted. but, what is wrong with being devoted? i guess the interpretation of some people of "l_ _ _ " may be different from mine, but still, is the difference really that much? i hate to say this but we don't really know, like have a really deep understanding of each other. sometimes, when knowing that another people know much more about him than yourself, it really hurts inside. and even painful when that person asks you, "what? didn't you know? i thought he told you."
i just don't know what else i can do...
sorry people, for those incomplete sentence structures. but i just don't have the strength to type proper sentences...

A full day today too. borrowed 1 lesson of P.E. to decide on form assembly stuff, no string orch at lunch (yeah!!!!), chinese dict (rrrr), and r.k. for form assembly, which was.... well.. i don't know what happened since i was behind the piano. laine and rae were just beside the piano and when i played their duet for "temporary" background music, i found them singing lor... =P so funny...
then had a full orch rehersal where it was the same again. getting scolded.... ai... everytime..
i've tried to say things to 2. but it's really hard to say sth to people they are really good when they think they are fai. it is just so hard. and they keep saying that you are only trying to comfort them. gosh... i'm telling the truth. and it will be very wasted talent.. very.
ai.. anyone know how to say true things to a person with a very low self-esteem? it's so hard. everytime you say something good about them,they say they are fai. you know... sometimes, just sometimes, i get on the verge of getting mad. like a failure. you want to comfort someone... and tell them the truth while they always deny it. it's so "irritating" sometimes.
but actually, if 2 really made up he's mind not to continue anymore, i guess no one can push him. if he's feeling unhappy, then no one can force him to do so. just that it really will be a waste

Today was a little more hectic. more lessons. had a very short geog. because of the overtime form assembly. a very "informative" chinese history, a "busy" biology (bile juice... or whatever). then a wasted break of going to take notices for choir and stuff, double chinese, history (league of nations.......United Nations. is it successful? yes because up till we haven't got any nuclear wars...-_-||) then a very interesting lunch. poy.... you owe me a cheese fondue at Peninsula... Maths..which was all for explaining sums, PTH which i had half eating and skipped the chance of reading something.. (phew).. then eng where we had to listen to prejudice reports....
one more thing to add was the song of poy was running through my head the whole afternoon....mmm
then went to mcdonalds with jen and grace k... chatted , gossiped (eh-hummmm) and left....
haaaa. a full day huh? oh and laine's conservancy thing won the competition today.. congrats!!!!!

~Speechless~ That's about the only word I have for today. don't know what got into me. fluctuating emotions. i'm down in the pits right now (is there such an expression?) done the english presentation i so painfully managed to finish yesterday night.. but it was really bad and when the LG said she hoped to see excerpts and not summary of the whole story. she was looking right at me when she said that. duh..... (sorry laine, used your beloved expression).
i changed the title of the blog, well, obviously.
nothing to say for the time being...

school started today and i'm really tired now. the day seemed to go so fast, unlike other tuesdays, which just happens to have some dreaded lessons. actually, there is a good point about tuesdays: no eng lessons. but a bad point about it: we'll have a double lesson on wednesday. i'm still struggling through my predjudice report now, starting.
i've made up my mind. i'll try not to grumble too much. about everything, nobody likes talking to someone who always complains. it's gonna be hard though, and i've got to really strive for it. hope i'll succeed. =)
sometimes, i feel as if my "circle of friends" seem to be... blurred. jumping from one to another is not a problem. having lots of friends if good, but sometimes, it seems that i don't belong to any at all. it's just a feeling, but a strong one. at times i really want to say things out loud, to let it out, but there are not much people i can "complain" to..... there are a few now... but i don't want to bother people so much. they will say "it doesn't matter". but i myself will feel "ng ho yi si"...
but in the meantime, i'll try to be happy about all things. just at least, happy to be alive.

havta go back to school tomorrow again. still in holiday mood, and don't want to go back and work. sigh~ anyway, went to mix choir rehersal today,got a little bit -_-|||| when some people were acting oversensitive and even more -_-||||| when the "flowers" started to produce their "scent". excuse me...... cannot stand it.... then went to "dinner" or "tea" whatever you call it..... with jen and poy...
then got back home at 9:45, dead tired.and have to go to bed anytime. a strange thing happened today. during rehersal, i suddenly got this kind of "uncomfortable-ness" and, well, not physically, but.... in my mind.. i can't explain it. too complicated
jen: no, actually, i do not think it was stupid to have that thought. i mean, isn't it normal (at least for you) to want to talk to someone when you just feel uneasy? it's just that the idea of that person that's making you uncomfortable and feeling stupid. i mean, if you call that stupid, well.... i must be mentally retarded....(you know what i mean,right?)
flipped through the chicken soup for teenage soul 3, and saw a comic that the girl asks the boy, "why don't you laugh at my jokes anymore" (something like that, i can't remember for sure), and the boy says, " i thought you said you wanted a serious relationship!"
it was pretty hilarious at first, but then....
what does "serious relationship" mean? surely not the kind in the comic. but... i know exactly what i want, i really do, just that sometimes, these things can't be totally controlled by yourself. and you have to live with it. sometimes, he can be so serious and devoted that it scares you, other times, it hurts so much when he says something and you ask yourself, is he joking again? there have been times when i have been a little sensitive, i admit it, but yet, maybe there are something in his words that tells you.... he doesn't want to be so "serious" yet. i know i know.. the typical saying..."too young to be serious", but do these things have age limitations? am i only doing all these to satisfy myself only?.... to satisfy my illusions...
i guess i could ask, but.. i'm afraid of the answer....

actually, the blog below was supposed to be posted a few days ago, but because i have been stupid and done something wrong, it was something like november the something... rr...
ok...

i've abandoned this blog long ago. but yesterday, something urged me to start it again. don't know why though. bloggs are starting to "re-heat" again, after leaving them to cool off for some time
shooting stars.... i guess i have a passion for astronomy stuff, especially comets and shooting stars... go to my message board and you'll agree. people always say, wish upon a shooting star, and as i have a strong belief in wishes coming true... well... i like shooting stars.
after reading jen's blog, well, i had no idea that ash and i were being "hostile" to each other. were we really? don't know. but i can understand why she said when the 3 of us put together it's... uncomfortable. i know how it feels like to be jealous, and i know how irritating it can be sometimes. so i try to avoid it by making people NOT jealous. and the only way is to get out of people's way, untold. but yet, maybe i was trying too hard. is there a way to do it without overboarding?

anyway, still trying to make up my mind to make it public or not. anyway, nobody will want to come, or .... whatever...