I guess I can't do anything more now. I have said all I could, done all I could (including calling him about 10 times on different days already, and getting no answer whatsoever)...I have hinted, spoken calmly, spoken seriously, emailed, complained, threatened, thrown tantrums... almost everything...
The only thing I can do now is wait. Wait till he wants to contact me. Wait till he realizes what he's doing now is certainly not "too much". Wait till he realizes that what he is doing now cannot compensate for the "too much" in the past 1.5 years...

Waiting...for a near miracle
Waiting till he's more "free"...
Waiting...till eternity...

[I am not using blogger, it's just a thought that i really really want to write down, where no one will really come and read...intentionally]

It's been 1.5 months. He still hasn't been showing any signs at all. The promises, the reassurances, they were never fulfilled. I have done almost everything I could... messages (offline and online), emails, complaints (that one time over the phone)... I mean... shouldn't someone with a little bit of intelligence know what is going on? Or should I say, shouldn't someone with a tiny bit of sensitivity understand how I feel and just do AT LEAST SOMETHING to compensate for it?

I was so burdened that I actually wrote 2 emails in 2 consecutive days to tell him ... I actually think he knows but why won't he do SOMETHING??!!! I means, busy isn't an excuse, a message or an email won't take you very long, would it? OK, I won't mention phone-calls, providing that he has to explain to his mum about the phone bill. But...emails are free, ecards are free...won't he just do something???

Honestly, over this past 1.5 month, I have never had even the urge to cry at all (because most people cry over homesickness or the work burden), I have no difficulties over those thing at all. The only times when I had the urge to cry, was when I missed him so much and wanted him to be there at times... and when I couldn't reach him at all when I wanted to, and called him actively. Either they were not answered or he simply did not switch on the phone. But I really did feel like crying when I read my past diary entries and thought and thought of possibilities why he wouldn't want to show me a tiniest bit of care or attention. I don't want to believe my stupid instincts and possibilities, but... It's been known to me that they have been true, unfornately. I wanted to trust him, but he must won't let me do it....Argh...I am going to go crazy very soon...
I actually let out everything last night while I was alone down at the computers, typing my 2nd email to him..how long is this going to last???
Either give me a response...or something at least...some actions...just to reassure me that everything is fine and going on well, and that my worries here are my worries... that I didn't need to pay any notice of them at all.

*sigh*
I guess he will never come here and read this...