[I am not using blogger, it's just a thought that i really really want to write down, where no one will really come and read...intentionally]

It's been 1.5 months. He still hasn't been showing any signs at all. The promises, the reassurances, they were never fulfilled. I have done almost everything I could... messages (offline and online), emails, complaints (that one time over the phone)... I mean... shouldn't someone with a little bit of intelligence know what is going on? Or should I say, shouldn't someone with a tiny bit of sensitivity understand how I feel and just do AT LEAST SOMETHING to compensate for it?

I was so burdened that I actually wrote 2 emails in 2 consecutive days to tell him ... I actually think he knows but why won't he do SOMETHING??!!! I means, busy isn't an excuse, a message or an email won't take you very long, would it? OK, I won't mention phone-calls, providing that he has to explain to his mum about the phone bill. But...emails are free, ecards are free...won't he just do something???

Honestly, over this past 1.5 month, I have never had even the urge to cry at all (because most people cry over homesickness or the work burden), I have no difficulties over those thing at all. The only times when I had the urge to cry, was when I missed him so much and wanted him to be there at times... and when I couldn't reach him at all when I wanted to, and called him actively. Either they were not answered or he simply did not switch on the phone. But I really did feel like crying when I read my past diary entries and thought and thought of possibilities why he wouldn't want to show me a tiniest bit of care or attention. I don't want to believe my stupid instincts and possibilities, but... It's been known to me that they have been true, unfornately. I wanted to trust him, but he must won't let me do it....Argh...I am going to go crazy very soon...
I actually let out everything last night while I was alone down at the computers, typing my 2nd email to him..how long is this going to last???
Either give me a response...or something at least...some actions...just to reassure me that everything is fine and going on well, and that my worries here are my worries... that I didn't need to pay any notice of them at all.

*sigh*
I guess he will never come here and read this...